Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
