Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
