well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
