I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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