I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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