True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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