I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
