I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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