I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
