I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
