you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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