Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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