I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
