so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
