i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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