I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
