I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
3pm strippers are depressing
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
