Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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