I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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