He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
