I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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