Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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