I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize