Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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