Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
