we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
