First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
