The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize