It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
