this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
