im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How's work?
Spinning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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