He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my liver is dry heaving
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
