I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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