2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
