Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
