Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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