I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
