is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
not ubering you a puppy
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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