Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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