I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
