How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
