he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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