you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
