my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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