You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
