im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
