I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
