That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
