you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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