you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so let's talk penis.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
