He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
