Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
