Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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