Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
