That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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