4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
