I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
