kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
