the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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