I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize