one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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