I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
