Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
