yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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