DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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