Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize