just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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