On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
