Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
