I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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