sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
