I must be too annoying 4 u.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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