today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
