C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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