okay pat passed out under dana's car
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And then my night got REAL pukey
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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