the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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