I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
