I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
